Coming out was slightly disappointing, although in reality, it should have been exhilerating, liberating, and satisfying. I never cry, but today, I was teary eyed as my parents hugged me and told me they loved me, and always will, and that whatever makes me happy will make them happy also. They saw my pain, and told me that I shouldn’t worry, and that I shouldn’t be sad, and that I will always be their son. I am the only son in my ultra-conservative Chinese family, and with the three words “I am gay,” I’ve dashed away all the dreams, aspirations and plans they’ve made for my future, and now all they can tell me is they still love me. In reality, they should have lashed out at me and told me what a failure I’ve been. Moreso than ever, I don’t feel deserving or worthy to have parents like the ones I do. They put up with all my shit, they put up with me, and at the end of it all, they love me. After hearing multiple stories of coming out disasters involving yelling, screaming, crying and suicide threats, I’m happy to say my experience was better… however, it pains me so much to know my parents are such great people who are everything that I could have ever asked for and wanted, while I am simply just someone who’s brought them pain and disappointment.
I don’t say this nearly enough, and in fact, I don’t think I ever do say it, but, Mom and Dad, I love you.
